Requiem For Thomas The Doubter

A narrative sermon: Jn.20:24-29

I remain clear about the reality.light concept_editedMarch013

Some people say He deserved it, others eager for gain, simply aligned themselves with the lies. As the old saying goes, ‘’misery loves company’’ I guess.

Perhaps it was fear of disloyalty, the mob or fear of the unfettered power claimed by corrupt and cynical people. The same people who made judgements without allowing them to be questioned.

Perhaps it was fear

Being shamed as a supporter?


Some of us remained. Alone, together enduring the subtle put downs, the lies whispered in the dark behind our backs. You know the types, lies that circulate like chains of smoke around the necks of accusers and prosecutors alike. Enduring the fallout, retracing our steps, persevering, it is like being knee deep in the mud. Has it really been 8 days already?How can one group of people have so much influence, so much control and, how come so many are uncritically willing to point a finger?

Who can stand against the deviancy control techniques they employed to engineer a biased response.

*sigh*….I’m exhausted.
How infuriating this all is!

Still I remain clear about the reality.

What I saw is what I saw – there is no bias in telling the truth even when it is discounted as subjective babble.

Me, recondite?

*sigh*…perhaps, I am.

Still I remain clear about the reality.

What I felt is what I felt – there is no contradiction in the embedded data here, even though my thoughts and experiences are ridiculed as ambiguous, damned to be without meaning, tasked to be silenced forever.

Still I remain clear about the reality.

What I heard is what I heard – there is no delusion, even when it is covered in a milieu of emotive fog. For me this is more than a memory, although it is conveniently forgotten by the elite and too easily abandoned by those who blindly followed.

Still…I remain clear about the reality.

The days darkened, hope vanished because the words were deconstructed, meaning lost meaning, the truth was reversed and those words twisted by the process of cross-examination – our faith all but abandoned.

Belittled, embattled, bitter and cold we sat. The others knew my opinions. Understanding the past was not going to be easy. Sin appears to have been rewarded. Isn’t this the opposite of what we were told to expect?

I need to confess..*sigh*… I no longer remain clear about the reality. I need air…this is all too much.

Disorientated by the distortions that surround me it seems I am burdened with the task of speaking reason to my unreasonable friends. Love speaks truth, and I must speak even if it costs me. Ah, the depth of grief that engulfs them! It’s not that their optimism is foreign to me; after all we walked among the dead, we saw them return alive to their loved ones! I still rejoice about the time I witnessed a grateful father ask for help in his unbelief following his daughters impossible healing. But now that experience taunts me, I thought I was one of the strong ones, convinced beyond all question by what I had seen, felt and heard. I rose and turned towards the door, angry, disappointed and determined for this to be a final stand for reason. How could I convince them? They seem so certain…

I am especially aware of this moment of hesitation – because I heard that unmistakable voice. My heart beat faster and the anxiety  that had overwhelmed me waned . With distinct clarity I sensed a return of that deep joy which always beamed from that transcendent-imminence full of understanding and compassion.

This too easily forgotten energising-joy was almost always accompanied by bespoke words full of warmth and light. Then suddenly there they were… ‘’Thomas! see?…these scars…touch them, for a Spirit does not have flesh and bones as you see that I have…blessed are those who have not seen me yet have believed’

With a gust of contrition I looked up, and in breathless, staccato sounds I uttered the words…’My Lord and my God!’

Keep Calm_redefined_RodLampardMills_2013


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