I’m schooled by necessity,
schooling from what was thrown at me unnecessarily.
Gasping for gravity,
learning new abilities beyond any owned or taught capacity.
Here you find me, of my broken father.
Me, a father’s broken son.
Another recipient of grace and master of no one;
a child with problems and a wounded teen;
high on self-medication; alcohol and drugs.
. shifted blame,
. adults and pointed fingers,
. children forced to make adult decisions;
. figure it all out and not pull any triggers.
. outpaced by a child’s pain;
. a teen’s hate follows sadness like a moth to a flame.
Better your story not told,
. than your story told before those who’d rather not know.
But, through this I grow.
. chained to fear,
. my companions abandon safe shores,
. the dregs of smiles and public compassion dissolving into smoke and mirrors,
. because there’s no medallions,
. or Instagram-perfect winners.
Such is the deadly repetition.
The cycle of denial, excuses and self-justification.
Sore eyes become long dark sighs, swimming in bloodshot exhaustion,
weakened by arguments and my point of view’s abortion.
Painful images painted by words,
morphed by experience and the cry of useful lament.
Stillness and memories,
. put downs and verbal incendiaries
Kindled by petition,
. protest prayer and the cries for justice;
. prayed out protests petitioning the light breather;
God. The life saver.
Pathos carried from human hearts to the heart of the unseeable;
carried up, out and on quiet wings to the unseen.
The one who makes Himself knowable.
As I am, I was found.
Found as I was,
. here so I am.
Raised as a son by The Father,
. brought up by The Father,
. because of The Son.
I, now a father;
. in Jesus Christ,
. a forgiving son.
Right here. The Gracious. The righteous;
my emancipation sealed and won.
‘The only way to escape from the devil is to run away from him without giving him any notice. Just as you are, at this moment escape with your lives! Do as the prodigal son did – say, “I will arise and go to [THE] Father.” And the, like he, rise up at once and go!”
(Charles Spurgeon, Sermon Lowly Service)