Due to some other commitments, I am finding it difficult to get into writing for my blog.

It seems that the harder I try to write, the more distraction seems to come my way.

So here’s where I’m at:

Over the past few days I had some time to finalize assessments for my double degree.

Last night was the final lecture for this particular journey.

I have mixed feelings about finishing. For instance I have a number of regrets and also a sense of achievement.

For now I’m holding out. Not giving in to a wave of toxic negativity, which I appear to have inherited from last week. I haven’t been able to fully pin this attitude down. At the very least I can say that I see how the certainty of uncertainty is hopelessness.

The antidote to this paradox is belief. So it says a lot about what I am wrestling with and what my resolve needs to be.

Instead of asking

‘Lord, what’s the point?’

I am trying to get into the habit of asking:

‘Lord, what’s next?’

Rather than ignorantly whine at God (as opposed to lament), I need to be still, bow low, practice gratitude and listen.

Transition is not an easy task to intentionally apply ourselves too. I know I struggle with this, even though having management experience does make adapting to the circumstances which change brings a lot easier.

In all of this, true to form, content and substance, Father, Son and Spirit has not been silent.

In my return to the daily thoughts of Oswald Chambers, I have been both confronted and comforted by the truth that God never forsakes us, we forsake God.

He writes:

The faith of many people begins to falter when apprehensions enter their thinking, and they forget the meaning of God’s assurance – they forget to take deep spiritual breath. The only way to remove the fear from our lives is to listen to God’s assurance to us…that He will never leave or forsake us…When it seems that there is nothing and no one to help you, say to yourself, “But, The Lord is my helper’ this very moment, even in my present circumstance”.                                                                                                 (June 5, my utmost for his highest)

God’s assurance is that He will never forsake us. We are not alone. I must not let my victimization and brokenness become an idol of uncertainty. It would not be a stretch to say that I have had my self-pity, victimization and general comfort disturbed by coming towards a place where I own this truth.  It is perhaps more theologically correct to say that God has moved towards me and this point of impact is a gift. As Karl Barth and Dallas Willard might say it: a grace-filled disturbance reminding me that I don’t earn salvation, but I am not above making an effort because of it.